The only reality competition show I’ve ever really gotten into is So You Think You Can Dance. I was a dancer all through my childhood — tap, jazz, ballet, gymnastics, baton — you name it, I did it. And some of it pretty well. So, when I watch that show, I often think about whether I would be able to do that stuff now if I gave it a try.

I now know the answer is a big fat clumsy NO.

My gym has a Hip Hop Live class, and I’d never been able to go before because of my work schedule. But now, my boss (me!) lets me take off early if I finish my work, so I went. A “Learn the Moves” segment started at 5, and the actual class (with a DJ and turntables and everything) was 5:30 to 6:30. Even though I was sure I’d catch right on, I went to the “Learn the Moves.” And I still sucked.

What happened? Has the soul with which I once danced left my body? Or is it that I grew up dancing with a bunch of other little white girls from the country, so in comparison I had some moves? I could Roger Rabbit and Hammer with the best of them! But tonight, I did not have much hip hoppy-ness at all. But, I got a great workout, so that counts for something. And I kind of learned how to crank that Souljia Boy (but I refuse to Superman that ho).

I wonder if I can find a tap class that’s not filled with five-year-old little blonde girls … shuffle STEP … shuffle STEP … shuffle BALLCHANGE shuffle STEP. Yeah, it’s all coming back to me now …