When we first moved into our house (our first home!), we had this weirdo neighbor who covered his windows with tinfoil and would sit in his car for hours reading the paper, but wouldn’t talk to us if we happened to go outside while he was doing so. And, our cars were parked next to each other at the time. Once, we were having a party, and I went over with a friend to see if he might like a drink, and there was a note saying, “If you want an appointment, leave a message with your name, the reason, and also the time you’d like to die.” So, we knew he wasn’t normal.

Also, the first time we met him, he accused us of calling the police and saying he was dead. We hadn’t, but it plays into the story. That was the only time I ever really talked to him.

So, about a year and a half ago, we noticed that his car hadn’t moved in a while, which wasn’t too unusual, but it really seemed like it had been a while. So, Jared looked a little more closely, and saw that (are you ready for this, because it’s kinda gross) it was COVERED with FLIES! Oh, and also, there had been an awful stench for about a week in our house (and we shared a wall with the guy).

Not wanting to do a false “Hey, we think this guy is dead” call because obviously that pissed him off before, we called our realtor, who called the police for us. They came and found that he’d been dead for possibly a month or so!!! Just so you know, it was his nasty garbage that smelled, not him. Anyway, the HazMat team came in full suits and everything and suggested we leave for the night because, when they went to move him, they thought he might burst (he didn’t, though).

He was a renter, and the folks who own the place have been (sort of) working on it, but it’s been a year and a half. Oh, and they live a couple of hours ago away, so do you think the the lawn has been mowed lately? Nooo. And is Dead Guy’s car still sitting in the driveway? Yeessss. And, actually, other than the fact that sometimes I think I see him in his car, I’m okay with it being there — it at least makes the house look occupied. But the lawn is another thing.

And, since it doesn’t look terribly occupied, I think vandals have gotten to the fence. Nothing huge, but there’s a board that’s broken and some others that have been obviously cut. And, since his fence connects to our fence, this concerns me. Oh, and I think people were throwing bricks at our roof a few weeks ago, because we had one topple down our roof (it sounded like a person was dropped on it), and our other neighbors found a brick lodged in their fence.

You’d think we lived in the ghetto to hear some of this, and we don’t. It’s not fancy, but it’s a relatively nice, quiet starter neighborhood with an occasional keg party (occasionally ours), but apparently we have hooligans. Who knew? At any rate, I’m hoping some new, fabulous couple moves in soon so we can have someone to gossip about the hooligans with. And maybe drink with, because sometimes it’s hard to wait for J to get home from work before having a little glass of Chard.