I’m having a pretty good day — I’m in Miami (well, Hollywood actually, but you get the idea) for the Gator football game. And, in case you don’t follow the sports so much, let me just fill you in. My boys won the big game, and they’re National Champions! Woo woo! We were at the stadium — not a totally new experience for us, since we were at the two national champion basketball games a few years ago, but still, it’s just so cool.

We’re staying in a nice little hotel — not fancy, but it has some charm. It also had a little something else. A surprise, if you will.

The first night, Jared and his friend went to the bar and I went to the gym. Yes, really. I came back to the room, got in the shower, start washing my hair, and I open my eyes to see pubes on the ceiling. Yes, really.

I’m not talking about a couple of random dark and curlies. No, I mean, if someone were to do a fair amount of grooming, and then put all the leftovers on the ceiling, that’s what I was looking at.

I closed my mouth really tight because, oh my god, what if one fell on me and got in my mouth. I could get pregnant, or die, or something. I finished my shower in record time and called Jared because, dude, there were pubes on the freakin’ ceiling. I didn’t want to call the front desk or anything until, for one thing, I was dressed and able to get out of there, but for another, I wanted to make sure none of our people had showered already and gotten crazy with the scissors or something.

(Nobody had, FYI. Our friends aren’t gross and crazy like that. For the most part.)

I went to the front desk to tell them — I felt like it was important that they see I’m not a creepy girl who would do this as a joke, you know. There were two women, one young and one a bit older. I was kind of hoping for the young girl, because telling the older woman is like telling your mom. But, they both greeted me. And here was the conversation:

Me: “Hi, I’m in room blah blah blah, and, um, well, I took a shower, and … erm … there were pubes on the ceiling.” (said in a hushed voice, of COURSE.)

Older woman’s jaw drops, young girl starts blushing.

Me: “I mean, we didn’t put them there. TRUST ME.”

Older woman: “I, uhh, I just don’t know how that could happen. I mean, maybe it’s just hair, and when hair dries, sometimes it sticks in weird places. We do clean the bathrooms thoroughly.”

Me: “It’s possible. But they’re really short, really dark, and really curly. And there are a lot. I don’t look at the ceiling Soon?”

When we came back from dinner and hitting the bars, our entire bathroom had been cleaned, and no trace remained of the mysterious ceiling pubes. The end.