Okay, you all, I’m on the wagon. Sort of. For a little while.

And it’s not going well.

For the record, I’m not going dry because I have a problem or anything. And it’s not that I’ve decided that a large glass of perfectly chilled Chardonnay is not delicious — quite the opposite. The reason is simple — I’m overweight.

And before anyone starts in with any, “Oh, but you look great!” BS, let me say this — I don’t look different. I don’t feel different. But suddenly, the number on the scale are … well, they’re numbers I’ve never seen before, and they’re numbers I don’t plan to see again. Jared has gained some weight as well (although, of course, he doesn’t look any different, and he’s already lost most of it just by thinking about it), so we’re both watching what we eat. And the eating is hard, but for some reason, this no drinking business? NOT FUN.

The thing is, before I made a grand announcement that I was on the wagon, I hadn’t had a drink in about a week. No biggie, I was just being cautious about calories and hadn’t wanted one. But seriously, the minute this wagon business spewed from my mouth, I wanted a glass of wine. Everyone on TV was pouring big, beautiful glasses of wine, or drinking big, beautiful vodka drinks. And I wanted one. But I resisted.

Well, for a couple of days.

Then, a friend called and asked if I wanted to meet her for a glass of wine at a wine bar nearby. I hadn’t seen her in a long time, so I said I would — but I kept it to just one glass. Good, right?

But then, back on the wagon I went. For a day.

Then, I went to a baby shower, and when I walked in, they handed me a mimosa. And I can’t be rude, you know, so I had a couple. Or several. Or a pitcher. Whatever.

The point of the story is this: I’m trying and it sucks and my birthday is this weekend (YAY — 25 yet again!) so I’m making a real effort to not finish up that bottle of Toasted Head in my fridge before that. I can do this. Want to get on board with me? Bring some cushions, and maybe some air freshener. This wagon is musty and uncomfortable.