I’m a little povo, so I think I’ll stay home and cupcake tonight. That way, I don’t have to worry about running into my ex-hole or end up in a hot room. I’ll probably sit around and tweet, since I’m so myselfish.

Besides, this weekend is going to be so Obama, and even though I’ll probably end up smashed potatoes, I’m planning to pwn the dance floor.

To figure out what the hell I just said, check out the new slang. I’m not crazy. I’m just cooler than you.

(Also, if you ever hear me saying any of this in real life, you have my permission to flick me on the ear. Except for the smashed potatoes bit. I’m digging that.)