This weekend, we went out for dinner at a nice restaurant with some family and friends. It was Mexican (because, you know, when do I eat anything else), but it was “contemporary Mexican,” which basically meant I couldn’t get my $3 chalupa. Instead, I ordered a $14 shrimp and avocado salad.

The salad was a decent size (not huge or overwhelming, but sufficient for an entree salad), but it came to me with eight shrimp, each halved the long way, and four gigantic pieces of lettuce. And, of course, there were lots of other delicious things on there — big wedges of tomato, diced mango, and … I don’t know. Other stuff.

But here’s my question — how the hell do they expect people to eat that? I mean, I was still cutting things up by the time everyone else was halfway through their meal. And, even after spending that much time cutting things up (and, of course, knocking bits onto the table in the process), I still didn’t get all the lettuce cut up well, so even when I’d eaten all the good stuff, it looked like I’d only eaten half my meal.

If I pay $14 for a salad, shouldn’t the work be done for me? Shoot, if I pay $5 for a salad, I think the work should be done for me. There’s just no delicate or polite way to cut that stuff up at your seat with a butter knife — do it for me while you’re in the kitchen and have a cutting board, sharp knife, and the right angle!

Tell me I’m not the only one this pisses off.

Also, please, somebody, pat me on the back for having a SALAD at a Mexican restaurant. And only one margarita.