1. Without zippers, it would be cute. With them, I HATE IT WITH THE FURY OF A THOUSAND SUNS.

    Without zippers, it would be cute. With them, I HATE IT WITH THE FURY OF A THOUSAND SUNS. (Unfortunate) Photo: Nordstrom

    Lace. Hated it when Madonna wore it. Hate it equally now. Maybe more.

  2. Zippers that aren’t a necessity. On pants and jackets, fine. Shirts? NO THANK YOU.
  3. Patterns that don’t follow through. If you’re striped on the front, you’d damn well better be striped on the back, too. Otherwise, you’re just a lie.
  4. Modesty-enhancing sheer crap. If you want to show it, show it. Unless you’re doing a back handspring to double back tuck to dismount the bar, or have a triple salchow planned for your upcoming short program, I don’t want to hear about it.
  5. Snaps. Especially in shirts. Especially ESPECIALLY if they’re decorative. Oh, the horror. THE HORROR. They actually make me cringe. (Side note — when used for an actual purpose on, say, a coat or a purse, I think they’re perfectly lovely. Go figure.)
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