I quit my job. Not all of them, but one of the major ones — my editing gig at StyleList. It’s a great site, but it’s gone in one direction, and I’m just not that flexible. Fortunately, at the same time that I quit StyleList, I was able to pick up an editing job with Holidash once again, where I’m working with one of my very favorite people in the whole world (Susan, stop blushing).
For many reasons, the last couple of months have been full of uncertainty and upheaval. Normally, my work life is very, very organized, and it’s felt a little out of control as of late (my own doing), but I’m getting it all back in order. I’m making my (voluntary) spreadsheets again, and putting things on my calendar (with proper reminders). I’m making To-Do lists and crossing items off (albeint, sometimes slowly). I’m waking up less in the middle of the night in a panic because, oh my god, did I do That Thing I was supposed to do this morning? Yes? No? Shit, maybe …
Yes, things are stressful, and life is sometimes haaard, but the problems I have are mainly problems that stem from good. I’m stressed about work because I care, and I like my job, and I want to do it well (and also because I spent a couple of days at the beach working and was bummed to be on my computer instead of on a towel in the sand). And, bottom line, I have a job. So, not gonna complain.
My house is messy, but I live in a house I love, and it’s messy because I live in it with a dog and a cat and a husband, and sometimes, we’d all rather snuggle than clean up. I can live with that.
My heart still hurts and my throat still closes up every time I think about Yuki (dammit, there we go again), but it’s only because I had a chance to know an amazing soul, and because I experienced the kind of bond some people dream about. And, as a really good friend recently told me, it’s because I have a big heart that it takes so long to heal. That’s not such a bad problem to have.
On Saturday, I will have three months until turning 30. I’m ready to turn 30 in a lot of ways (and that’s a whole other post, which you’ll see soon), but there are things to do before then. I’m ready to get a move on it. I’m ready to actively work toward my goals. But right now, I’m ready to take a shower and go grocery shopping, because my fridge? Well, there’s not much in there that doesn’t have mold growing on it. Cleaning that out and filling it with food that’s edible seems like a good first step.