So, my morning routine is getting up, pulling out the Wii Fit, and weighing in. I do this before I get dressed and before I eat breakfast, for consistency’s sake. And, for the most part, I’ve been rewarded.

You know, other than the part where the Wii says, in the most dejected voice ever, “That’s overweight.” And then my Mii hangs herself.

I’m a smart girl. Whether I’m aware of exactly how many pounds I weigh or not, I know I’m not petite or skinny. I’m big boned, and I carry a lot of muscle, and at the moment, there’s a little layer of pudge on top of that. And it’s okay — I’m working on it, and charting my losses and gains on the Wii Fit is super helpful.

But sometimes, the Wii can suck it.

For example, last weekend, I went for a long run before weighing in, and, because I’M HEALTHY, I drank a bunch of water while doing it. And so, the Wii chastised me for gaining an apparent 2.2 pounds. Overnight. It also had me set a new goal because I OBVIOUSLY didn’t reach the original one, what with the gaining so much weight over night.

So, the next morning, I followed my regular schedule, and was happy to see a significant loss from the day before. And at first, Wii was happy, too.

“Wow! You’ve reached your goal! That’s great!” it said in its squeaky little voice. But then, it got all concerned, like an overprotective mother. “You reached your goal a little too fast. I’m worried. Do I need to come to your house? Are you eating? ARE YOU?”

Ummm … I pooped. Seriously. That is all. So, apparently, the way to meet my Wii goals is to spend less time running and more time doing my business. Good to know.