Actual conversation* that took place today with the cashier in a popular big box store, the name of which might rhyme with Foam Creep-o. I mean, I’m sure the starters were still sleeping off the Black Friday crazy, but, dude.

Cashier (scanning the microwave box): Hmmm. Umm, what’s this?

Us: A, uh, a microwave.

Cashier (looking at the screen, then back at the box, then back at the screen, perplexed): Oh. So, umm, did you, like, want the warranty thing? You know?

Us: No.

Cashier: It might actually come with it already.

Us: Okaaay.

Cashier: So, do you want it? It’s, like, for two years, so if you, like, do something to it, you get a new one or something.

Us:

Cashier: But it might already come with it.

Us: So, it comes with a warranty? But you’re asking if we also want to buy a warranty?

Cashier (a little defensively): Well I thought you might know if it came with one or not.

Us: Yeah, we’re going to pass on that. Thanks.

Cashier: Do you want someone to, like, help you load that?

Us: OH GOD NO.

(And no, we didn’t opt to have them help us install it. This could prove to be problematic, but after the folks we encountered today, I think we’re better off hiring a monkey that belongs on the short monkey bus.)

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